All Quiet on the Whelville Front

Mariachi setting in Ljubljana

Sorry I haven't been posting much. There really just hasn't been a heck of a lot going on. Or maybe I haven't been thinking much about the things that have been going on.

I've been working a little and putting more time into driving since I STILL am shaky on the whole enterprise. These days, I am actually eager for my lessons (The Captain has now taken the helm as my instructor), and I can see my goals coming slowly but surely into view. This time, I am gonna stick with it until I get there.

I recently had a new (but good) friend come to visit me from Berlin and it got me thinking about a lot of things. We had a lot of good and interesting (and sometimes hilarious!) chats and we really just connected. One day, we were in a cafe and a couple in hilariously awful outfits strolled up, and she and I just looked at each other and started cracking up laughing. It was wonderful. I don't have that connection with any of my friends here. That's the good stuff, the stuff that I hope will come in time....

Since my friend and I are both Americans who are living the expat life at the moment, talks and thoughts did tend to focus on that. While some expats are here in Europe with a definite expiration date, a clear feeling that they want to live in America, yearly trips back home. I don't have that feeling, I don't have that urge. I even mentioned to my friend that I think that when I have kids, I'd like to send them to Ghana on a regular basis so they can learn the language and be familiar with family and culture. She asked how it would work being "tricultural" and I told her that I think I'd just cut the American part out a bit; meaning I probably just wouldn't be taking them or sending them to America much. I was trying to think about why. Am I denying some part of myself? Am I harboring some sort of chauvinistic animosity towards the US? I don't think it is any of that. I think I am fairhanded toward the country, it has definite plusses and minuses as any other. It's definitely a neat place, it's the country with places that I know best. It's the country where , when I speak, I am best understood. I will always be plenty American and pass that along to any kids I might have, since that is what I am and the only thing I can honestly bring to the table culture-wise. I guess there is some idea that I could equip any children I might have with things that would help them combat that Non-Belonging feeling that I've grappled with so much. Maybe Non-Belonging is sometimes just part of the human condition?

I haven't formed any one real coherent thought to express what I am thinking, what might be the reason, but here are a couple thoughts:

One idea surrounds around the fact that, as a black person, I kinda feel more or less uncomfortable everywhere.

I miss my family and friends, but they are not necessarily centrally-located in one American city or anything.

I do miss shopping and cultural events and bookstores and certain foods, but I am unsure whether that all is worth building a life around.

There is also the fact, that I don't think I was very successful at America. I am not sitting on top of the world here in Slovenia, but I think I am doing considerably better.

So, I don't know what the truth of the matter is -- probably a little from column A and a little from column B. Do you have similar or divergent thoughts about your expat experience? Hey Mom!! You are an expat, any thoughts? Do share!

Fino

Things have been OK, I am just trying to figure out the pace and trajectory of my life at the moment. I have a basic outline, work is in progress.

Here is a brief list of what I have been doing:

• swimming lessons! - As promised, I have been learning to swim at the local pool. I can swim. Not well, but yes, I can! I had a quick dip in the River Sava this Sunday and on Tuesday, we hopped into Lake Bled. I am proud of myself.
  
• work - computer screen staring, keyboard key-pressing, meetings, Excel spreadsheeting, no complaints
  
• driving - Also as promised, I went for about five or six driving lessons, but they were getting expensive, so The Captain has just been making me drive. Things are going well, but I need to get myself a real deadline to be a real driver. I guess I'll give myself until the end of the year.
• socializing - I went to the Captain's family reunion and turned out to be the start guest. People were proud that I could grasp the language and join the fun. The best conversation of the evening was when The Captain took the time to explain that most of the black people you see on television had chemically straightened or fake hair and that my hair was clean and natural.
  

Here are some pictures. I have not been taking many these days, but I will resume.









Hair-ial view

On The Road...Almost

Hurray!

Keeping with one of this year's resolutions, I finally had my first meeting with my new driving instructor. I think I may have worked out something where I will edit his kinda crummily translated English-language driver's guide in exchange for some kinda of hookup on the price situation. So that will get me up to speed with another one of my resolutions: get my finances in order. Great, two for one! Suze would be proud.

It turns out I have some loose ends to tie up before I actually get behind the wheel, but its gonna happen soon, very soon. Fear not good citizens, my instructor is a pro with a cool head, and I think everything's gonna go smoothly. I'll keep you posted.

Wheel-less in Wheelville

If I had to name the one thing that I missed the most about New York it would have to be the subway. One simple egalitarian system for anyone to get just about anywhere they needed to go. My friends took it, my foes took it, even the mayor rides it to work. It's pretty fast, pretty reliable, pretty clean, and it runs 24 hours a day. What else could you ask for?

In NYC, people with cars were only of interest when it was cold and/or when you had something heavy to move. When you rode with them you usually got an earful of their car-owning woes from the high cost of gas and insurance to the endless parking tickets and the difficulties of finding a decent parking spot. So, most everyone I knew was moving by subway, bicycle (in the warmer months), and the occasional yellow cab ride when we were too drunk or tired to safely descend the subway stairs. It was a sweet situation that ensured that you could make it to just about any cool event your heart desired, even last minute. But, alas, I don't live there anymore. I live here in Wheelville, and while there is the trusty train to get me to and from Ljubljana, it seems that it is simply not enough. I feel like I am missing out on a little too much. And in order to rectify that I am going to have to accept that this--like many places in the world, including where I grew up--is a car place and, as much as it pains me, I am going to have to become a car person.

You might be wondering how I managed to grow up in such a car-centric place and still not be a decent driver. Well, without getting into the torrid story of my sad past with cars, I can tell you that--while I tip my hat to the people that helped me--I just didn't get the best instruction and I had far too little driving time. I had a few shakey sessions with my father, a few more with my stepfather, and quite a few better ones from a grad student I found on craigslist who I paid to let me tool around in her old stickshift Volvo. These lessons were enough to get me through my driver's test and have my smiling face stamped onto a driving license at the ripe old age of 21, but right after I got that license, I graduated from college and moved straight to New York where I drove a car a total of two times. The second time ended in peril and destruction and I felt certain I'd stay in New York forever, take the subway everywhere, and never think of driving again. As time has moved on however, I've thought more and more about how unfortunate it would be if I let that one accident close the door on my driving career. So it was with much pleasure that I was given the news that The Captain had arranged some professional driving lessons for me.

I have never had formal driving lessons since they are not required in California, but I think that may be just the ticket. In fact, I think that's what I've needed all along: a trained professional who will not flinch and jump at everything, someone who can give me calm succinct instructions in exchange for payment. Someone cool behind the wheel who will teach me how to be almost as cool. I think that is worth the price he's asking; so, hopefully, this week, I will be gliding down the road relearning the moves. If all goes well I will, slowly but surely, rejoin the ranks of the well-wheeled. Here goes...

(btw, in case you were wondering after reading both this and the swimming post in less than a month, yes I am brainstorming new year's resolutions. 2008 will be a big year.)